THINK ABOUT IT

WHERE IS THE LOVE?

As much as I want to, I kind of don't believe in committed relationships anymore. I don't know if a committed relationship is for me. I take relationships seriously, so when I am in one, I go all out. I give, and give, almost to a fault. The problem with giving is that I tend to match up with people who are more than willing to take with no thoughts of reciprocating. So, I no longer wear my heart on my sleeve.

It would be safe to say that a only a quarter of my heart is open and receptive to the thought of being in a relationship right now. Meeting someone, taking the time to get to know them, trying to distinguish the real from the bullshit is so taxing. I really don't have the energy. Getting close to someone, and letting them into your intimate life takes SO MUCH energy that could be used elsewhere. I want to believe that a couple can get together and live happily ever after. But, every time I start to think that way, something happens to reinforce my beliefs that maybe relationships just don't work.

I know that shying away from relationships may leave me with a void. I may get lonely because I don't have that special man in my life. But, sometimes I think I would rather be lonely than deal with the heartache.

WHOA!!! IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME

It's been almost two months since my last entry. Wow. OK. I have to say that I have been uninspired. I haven't had anything important to say. I was also scared. I was scared to write because I needed to. But, that type of self exploration and self examination can lead to feelings of inadequacy, and like most people, I try to protect myself from that. Probably not the most healthy choice. So I'm ready, again, to take a long hard look at myself. The remedy for all of that is to write, write, and write some more. So, I'll try.