A BLACK MAN'S MANHOOD

Last night , I was listening to the incomparable Jill Scott. Beautifully Human—Words and Sounds, Vol. 2 has been in put back in rotation and has been there for some weeks now. But, for some reason it sounded different on this night, and when "The Fact Is (I Need You)" came on I let out a loud and exasperating sigh at the climax of the song:

I could be congresswoman

Or a garbage woman or

Police officer, or a carpenter

I could be a doctor and a lawyer and a mother and a good girl

God what you've done to me

Kind of lover I could be

I could be a computer analyst, the Queen with the nappy hair raising her fist

Or I could be much more and a myriad of this

Hot as the summer, sweet as the first kiss

And even though I can do all these things

I need you

And even though I can do all these things

We need you

We need you

We need you

And even though I can do all these things by my damn self

I need you

I do, I do, I do, I do

“We need to give brothers back their manhood”, I said aloud.

Black love has been under siege. Slavery, continuing racism, and oppression have deeply fractured our lives and relationships. History, societal forces, and even government policy have worked together to put stressors on black relationships. The slave master’s divide and conquer philosophy of, never letting a black women think she can count on a black man and never letting a black man think he can take care his woman, has continued to flourish in our communities. The emergence of the welfare system in the 1960’s discouraged many poor women from finding husbands. In the 1970’s and 1980’s, drugs infiltrated our communities and ravaged and pummeled our families. These are disturbing legacies that must be extinguished.

We need to remember and truly understand our brother’s plight and current circumstance. Brothers, in America, have been and continue to be on the defense at all the times and must always ready for the next insult or assault. They receive these insults and assaults from outsiders, as well as from sisters. Being on the defensive makes it difficult for brothers to open up and be vulnerable. Society says that men need to be dishonest with their emotions. Society teaches men to run from intimacy and self-love. Despite what society says, we need to allow brothers to be courageous and free. You can’t build relationships and learn to love without being courageous and free. We need to allow our men to confront their fears, in order to understand who they are as men.

I know, I know. Some sisters are tired, and disappointed. A lot of us have adopted the “I can do bad all by myself” doctrine. Some of us think we don’t need our men anymore. Some of us have run out of patience. Yes, there is an urgent need for brothers to grow up, mature, and take responsibility for their families and relationships. There is an urgent need for brothers to secure our children, and recover our communities. But, brothers cannot do this alone. Sister cannot do this alone. Sisters need to continue to support, and be patient. We must continue to be encouraging. Sisters must continue to be loving. We must love our black men more strongly. Loving strongly does not equate to being enablers. Sisters must stop being enablers, and brothers must cease in the manipulation of our emotions. Brothers should be aiming to cooperate, and not to dominate.

Building healthy, loving, and successful relationships is a major key that will aid in the progress of recovering our communities. This is a key to our transformation. We cannot abandon our brothers. We need to show appreciation, give appropriate criticism. We need to give brothers the freedom to be men, again. This right was stolen from them over 250 years ago. This is the most revolutionary thing we can do.